


After the Leaver's Ball

by Vangle



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 10:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7358137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vangle/pseuds/Vangle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The dance was over but the night is still young. It isn't hard to leave the past behind with a promising future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After the Leaver's Ball

**Baz**

The slow music and slow dancing is over. Everyone who stayed on the dance floor had a little too much to drink, there was a lot of screaming. Already someone is crying about going to miss everyone even though they never liked anyone while they were here. I’d never stoop so low, I let everyone know I will forget them the first chance I get.

But all that didn’t matter right now, I have something to cross off my bucket list. Snow and I snuck back to our old room. I think the room is the only thing I actually will miss a little. It doesn’t matter, as I get to get to take with me what I loved most about this room. Snow is tucking in on a turkey sandwich. I don’t know what to do about the mayonnaise in the corner of his mouth. Do I casually point it out? Rub it off? Lick it off? Punch him in the face for eating like a pig? I want to lick it…

He eventually licks his lips, getting it. I just keep looking his mouth. “You know you can actually now tell me what you want to say or do and not just stare at me.” He says, picking up the next sandwich of his plate. “I was thinking you chew like a monster, loudly, even with your mouth closed. And poorly, you swallow huge unchewed pieces like a python.” I’m beginning to see that without a major emotional catalyst, I won’t even be able to say: I want to kiss you. He gives me an annoyed look before digging his teeth into the bread. He hasn’t really looked my way since we got to the room. “I bet living in room would have been a hell of a lot more fun if we started dating earlier.” I cough lightly, as I really wasn’t expecting that.

**Simon**

I keep looking at him from the corner of my eye but my gaze is focused mostly on his bed. I’m trying to get a permanent picture in my mind of him sitting on my bed, talking to me, and not on his bed, looking at with disappointment. Him sitting next to me looking at me in disappointment was definitely better. That could have happened earlier.

We could lie down next to each other after exhaustingly long days. We could not have invisible schedules. The idea of pushing each other in the bathroom is oddly appealing right now. I could ask for his notes, instead of having to take them when he’d leave them in the room. Speaking off… “Baz, did you know that I would steal your notes?” I asked. “Yes” he said, looking away from me. “What is that supposed to mean?” He sighed like I am draining all his energy. “It means I would add tiny comments around my notes, knowing that you’d read them, so you wouldn’t get lost. All tiny notes were a way to make them easier for you. I’d add them after classes. It was actually a good way to review the material.” I felt my heart sink down to my sandwiches. “I-I… wow… fuck…” That was about all I could say, I found it easier to just pull him closer to me and hug him. I could see his lips curl a little, putting a hand on the arm I wrapped around his waist. It wasn’t enough for me so I kiss his cheek and I see the full smile on his lips. “I would have gotten to see that smile. The only smile you ever gave me said: You fucked up and I am glad you did.” He shook his head a little.

“This probably would never have worked at any point before. It would have been a mess so big, I would probably camp out side the room to avoid being alone with you.” I lie my head on his lap, closing my eyes. I think he likes it when I do that because he always immediately starts playing with my hair. Gently. Twisting and untwisting each curl, usually making my hair look neater afterwards. I really like it.

**Baz**

I start playing with his hair the second he rests his head down in my lap. Whatever spell Bunce used to fix up his hair was clearly no match for his curls as it would get messier without him touching it. “The thought is interesting though. What would you have wanted to do with me here if we were a corny gay teenage couple?” I ask him. He licked at the piece of lettuce stuck in his teeth, thinking. I regret asking already. I didn’t expect him to put thought in that answer. “Cuddle.” I couldn’t help but sigh in relief. “What about you?” He asked. The list started growing since puberty. I thought of wanting to screw him before I thought about wanting to kiss him. I wanted to bite him since the moment I saw him pull out a hand when the crucible cast us together. That very night, when he fell asleep, I needed to touch him. I snuck up on his sleepy head and touched his wrist a little. I just thought that he was so warm and I felt so cold. He is the fucking reason I never needed to question my sexuality. It wasn’t so fucking innocent after that. I thought about pinning him down to my bed, tying him up, and doing hell knows what to him. Lick him all over. Use a knife to make thin slices on his chest and lick across them. Have him squirm from small bites. Feel the vibration in his throat while I would have my fangs stuck right in his throat. Pull on his hair. Fuck him. Or ride him. Both.

In my fantasies, it was never consensual. Not because I had a sick desire to cause him a lot of pain or want him to not really enjoy it. The idea that he would even want me to touch him, did not seem real. If I would imagine him wanting it, it stopped being him. Just someone who looks like him. But if he hated every single moment of it and screamed about how he hated me, it felt real. I finally spoke “I didn’t put much thought into it as I never thought it would happen.”

He opens his eyes and grins at me. “You fucking liar. Liar. Liar.” I ruffled his hair, pushing him off my lap. Something that I didn’t want to do but felt like I had to if I had any chance of changing the subject. “It is true.” He moved back closer to me. “Did you think about having sex with me?” I started violently chocking on my own venom and saliva. Fucking Snow. “No! I was busy plotting your death!” I chocked out, angrily.

**Simon**

I didn’t want to press on this. I was just teasing. I mean even I thought about having sex with him. I can’t believe I didn’t realize I was queer earlier. But that is beside the point. Now I need all the details. Each little detail. Because he… is blushing!

I immediately sit up on my knees, looking at him. He looks at me like he regrets everything and just wants to run. I grab his arm and he winced a little. I lean in a little closer to his face. He smells really good. “What the fuck, Snow?!” He moved to the edge of the bed. I was clearly pissing him off right now but this is worth it. I mean even his ears turned pink. His expression was not changing from disbelief. “Are you telling me that you never thought about it before?” I was nervous too suddenly. It has been the two of us alone in this exact room for years. And yet it feels like we have never been more alone and things have never been more private. I lean back, feeling the warmth spread though my cheeks. Our fingers intertwined. I grew more conscious of his touch. His breathing. The way he looked at me.

**Baz**

Fuck

FUCK

I am not ready for this. Not physically. I didn’t even know that he would show up tonight. And there is not enough emotional preparation in this world to prepare me for this. Simon slowly leans in to kiss me. Slow enough to let me pull away or to choose to meet him half way. I close my eyes and kiss his lips. He is gentler and slower than usual. His lips are so soft. I let him deepen the kiss. I could taste the fucking sandwiches he ate. I definitely never imagined going absolutely still when the opportunity to touch him for real would occur. My hand trembled in his. He pulled back. “I’m not ready either. But I really want to touch you right now. And make you feel good. Is that okay?” It felt like my fear traveled from my stomach through my legs in a shiver. I just felt really warm and like everything is okay. I smile a little lean in closer. “Of course.”

He pulls my blouse out of my trousers and unbuttoned it. He started to kiss my neck and rub across my back, waist and stomach. He pressed me down against the bed and it was easier for me to take clothes of him. He pulled a pillow under my head. It was a lot more comfortable on my back. I pulled him closer to me by his waist. I wanted to feel his warmth. He was like an open flame. So very warm. I wanted nothing more than to be here right now. Being able to touch him. Having him want to be touched by me. Him touching me and wanting to. I thought it was just sentimental bullshit when they say it feels better with someone you love. I was wrong. I found my way to heaven.


End file.
